Photos: Kourosh Karimkhany
On Saturday I felt like I was busting out of my clothing and didn’t want to wear anything that would conform to my body in any way. My big Madewell poncho came to mind.
Then I remembered my Elizabeth and James trousers. They would be slim enough through the leg, I reasoned with my self, to offset the tent shape of the poncho. The dilemma for me with such a top is the following: I worry that I look pregnant. This possibility is extra problematic when you consider that I’ve been trying to get pregnant for many years, which most people who know me are aware of. And then there was the fact that I was going to a baby shower, so pregnancy would be on everyone’s minds. I didn’t want to make people nervous about wondering if they’re supposed to say something (although I would hope the answer to should I say something is ALWAYS NO! Let the possibly pregnant person bring it up, duh). And of course the awkwardness of imagining folks thinking I’m pregnant, or, gasp, that I’ve gained even more weight than I actually have, makes ME uncomfortable (while being physically rather comfortable). Le sigh.
Despite my internal arguments, I went for the poncho. The garment was a bit expensive an I hadn’t worn it yet for the reasons stated above. I told myself it was time and that I could to pull it off! I may have detected one or two curious glances at my abdominal area, but everything was mostly fine until I saw some of the outtakes from this photo shoot. I look decidedly with child in many of the pictures. So, yeah, fear confronted but not overcome. I give up! Give me a cinched waist and the peace of mind that I’m not sending pregnant messages.
Note regarding the headline: Choncho is a word that about a week ago my husband thought he had “made up” as a new term of endearment for me. Alas, according to the Urban Dictionary, it means “short, fat, ugly Mexican,” and various other even less desirable things. So yeah, we’re not using that word as a term of endearment anymore.