What is on the other side of that door? Will I keep pushing? Should I keep trying to fit myself in the jamb? Will I continue forcing this metaphor?
I couldn’t help it because, as one does, I’m having a lot of feelings and asking myself a lot of questions as 2018 begins. I hesitate to say it out loud, but I’m turning 50 this year. FIFTY.
I keep thinking about the beginning of last year—I felt energetic and aggressively excited about making big changes. How, I thought, could 2017 be anything but awesome when I kicked it off with a jumpsuit like that?
It wasn’t a bad year. Personally, 2017 was fine. We did some really fun photo shoots, we got a kitten, I wrote some decent articles for Forbes, we traveled a bit (Jamaica and Mexico) and helped our two kids navigate one more year.
But also the morning chaos of lunch-packing ensued, 3pm slumps happened, the bedtime torture persisted, deadlines blew past. The kitten turned into a belligerent cat.
And the state of affairs with our government, obviously, was not fine, and the news seemed all-consuming at times. I kicked off the year by becoming a Solidarity Sundays member, hosting meetings at my home in Pacifica monthly, writing letters and making phone calls to members of congress. But by mid-year I started slacking—I blame travel and shitshow fatigue.
So where is my new burst of energy that should come with the new year, especially considering the huge life milestone I’m about to face, as well as the enormous shift that will hopefully happen in the government in 2018 (let’s go midterms!!). But I feel inexplicably sluggish. Here it is the eighth day of the year and this is my first day of actual work. Woman, what part of turning 50 are you not getting? Your life is flying by! Do something!
But, so, the thing is, I do have some plans. I hesitate to even mention them because I’m terrified of failure, but keep an eye out on my Instagram feed, because I’ll be announcing a new project that I am excited about despite the slow burn nature of said excitement.
Fingers crossed that slow and steady will get me through even if I don’t win any races. Commitment, determination, realism—these are some words I’m focusing on for 2018. Ass in the chair. Do the work! Happy New Year!
Oh and scroll down for outfit details—I bought this caftan in Sayulita, where we vacationed for Thanksgiving, and it’s my current favorite garment.
WEARING: It’s not really a caftan, but it’s made by the same Wahaka weavers who make these Pippa Holt “caftans,” but it cost about a third less. It’s from Evoke the Spirit in Sayulita, which recently opened a second shop in town exclusively for clothing (sorry they don’t have the dresses for sale online yet so you’ll just have to go there!!). The booties are from Zara last year, similar here, here and here. The necklace is from the H&MxMargiela collab from years ago. The sunglasses are Celine, and the bracelets are Hayden Harnett.